Why I'm a pleasure activist

by Ruth Martin

There are many reasons why I am a pleasure activist. Here are some of them.

I am a pleasure activist because I want to change the way that female sexuality is controlled and portrayed in our society. Women are pressured into being sexual in certain ways to be considered acceptable. They face the contraction of being expected to be sexually appealing and available however they can only express their sexuality in ways that society deems appropriate: through marriage (or long term monogamous relationship) and procreation.

I am a pleasure activist because I believe the expectations upon women to live up to the ideal of female sexuality are often unattainable and do not fit the diversity of women's individual experiences and preferences. The expectations upon women to live up to this ideal often makes women feel unhappy about themselves as they feel inadequate. This has an impact on how women view their sexuality and how much they enjoy it.

I am a pleasure activist because I am sick of seeing women blamed for enjoying their sexuality. I am sick of seeing stories of women that have experienced rape and sexual harrassment being blamed for being too sexual, wearing the 'wrong' thing, 'asking for it'. I am sick of women being given advice not to get themselves attacked or raped because they can be perceived to be too sexual. Bottom line, women should not have to police their sexuality to control the actions of attackers and rapists - it is the responsibility of society to teach men that it is not okay to attack or rape women and it is the responsibility of us all to place the blame squarely with the perpetrators of such violence - not the victims.

I am a pleasure activist because I see men being socialised that it is okay to disrespect women and that they have a right to women's bodies. Our society communicates to men that women owe them their sexuality. Take, for example, the myth that a woman says 'no' to sex when she really means 'yes'. It is unacceptable for anyone to believe that they have a right to anyone's sexuality without the express consent of that individual.

I am a pleasure activist because I can see that patriarchy harms men through the expectations places upon male sexuality. There is constant pressure upon men to live up to the ideal of being overtly sexual. They are expected to make the first move, be sexually assertive, be the best in their sexual performance. The expectation to live up to this ideal is phenomenal. Like women, this has an impact on the ways in which men feel they have to express their sexuality as it is communicated to them that there is no other expression.

I am a pleasure activist because I want to address the causes of queerphobia in our society. Everyday there are queer people of all different types and from a diversity of backgrounds being discriminated against for who they are attracted to, who they experience sexual pleasure with and who they love. Everyday, queers face violence, harassment and estrangement from their families. They face loneliness in feeling like they cannot be who they truly are and many end their lives for these reasons. They are denied basic human rights and are not represented or are misrepresented in arenas such as the media and sex education.

I am a pleasure activist to help bridge differences between queer communities. There are those in the queer community who discriminate against those who are not of the same section of the queer community as themselves. This creates divisions between queers that often face the same fight against those who claim to deny their existence and their right to be treated with respect that heterosexual people receive.

I am a pleasure activist to also help bridge the differences between other sexual communities such as those who are polyamorous, BDSMers, swingers and sex workers to name a few. In each case, these communities are told that what they do sexually is 'wrong' even when it is completely consensual and between adults. I want to challenge the notion that the activities of these people are wrong when they are not harming anyone that does not want to participate.

I am a pleasure activist to challenge the perception of human sexuality itself in our society. Sexuality is something that is taboo, something that a lot of people feel embarassed to talk about. The sex education that many of us receive has been limited to the anatomical differences of men and women and the prevention of pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and HIV/AIDS. Sex is portrayed as something private and shameful. There seems to be little or no discussion of the positive outcomes of sex such as the immense pleasure or how to explore our bodies in regard to experiencing this pleasure for ourselves. I challenge this by talking openly about sex, not only with my partners, but with people in a variety of settings. This is one of the reasons why Pleasure Activism Australia came into existence, to offer people a forum to talk about human sexuality and the politics that surround it without judgement and without shame.

What I believe as a pleasure activist can be summed up in these lyrics by Bikini Kill:

We're not gonna prove nothing nothing
Sittin around watching each other starve
What we need is action/strategy
I want, I want, I want
I want it now
I believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe
I do, I do, I do

[ Bikini Kill, "I Like Fucking" ]

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